Open RP Post

[devilofaboy]

🖤 Hit me up on plurk or via PM if you have any questions/want to run an idea by me first/what-have-you.
🖤 General squick/trigger list.
🖤 m/m for anything shippy.
🖤 General headcanon for Ronan. If you've got different headcanon/ideas for a psl, hit me with 'em; I'm flexible.
🖤 Ronan's kink list.
🖤 This is open to everyone who wants to thread with me!

Comments

[dreamforger]

[Kavinsky notices the way that Ronan's tears leak into his shirt, but he doesn't say anything, doesn't call him on it. He would have, before. Flinching at the intimacy and saying something sharp because it was better than admitting to how it really made him feel.

He hadn't said it wasn't Ronan's fault just to make him feel better, less guilty. K had come to recognize that his own hand was in how they'd ended up there, too. Being cruel to each other had hardly been anything new. So he could forgive him for not seeing how deeply it would cut. The fact that it clearly hurt the other boy made it easier. Not because K wanted him to suffer, but just- he could tell that he cared. In a fucked up way, his tears felt like love.

His words are soft, and Kavinsky almost- he almost tries to flinch from it, from being that honest, that undone. He already feels all raw edges, but with Ronan in his arms, his tears in his shirt and his own smothered into the other boy's neck -- he can't. Pretending like death was meaningless, like he hadn't scared himself would be too much like lying.]

I don't either. I'm- trying. I don't feel like that now- with you.

[Saying it was almost as embarrassing as it was painful. And he knew, from far too many group therapy sessions that he'd unceremoniously dubbed fucking bullshit, that hanging his life on one person wasn't fair. Either to himself, or to them, or the people that cared about him. And he wanted to be fair to Ronan, to his boys. They deserved that. Not that he was going to say that outloud.

But he thought that maybe- maybe if it wasn't too much, he could at least hold onto Ronan's hand while he tried to figure this shit out.]

Can you stay?

[It's a soft question, not tinged with sexuality but just quiet longing. He just wants to keep him close for a while. He wants to hold onto him until he can convince himself this is real, until he can memorize his heartbeat. He just wants to keep his arms around him for all the time that he can steal.]

[devilofaboy]

[He didn't want to think that the reason Kavinsky could be okay now was entirely because of him. He wanted to think that the other boy would have been alright whether or not Ronan had visited him today. Ronan didn't think he was dying over. Again, he had to remind himself it wasn't entirely his fault. He'd just been what pushed Kavinsky over the edge. Which still felt like it was his fault.

He wanted K to be okay on his own two feet and to not need Ronan, but he also- he wanted to be there for him for the time he did need someone. It was complicated, but- he didn't want all of K's mental health hinged on him. Because he couldn't trust himself not to be an asshole in the future and ruin things. He'd already done it once, after all. He wouldn't do it on purpose, though.

Swallowing, he took a deep breath. Then another. It was a wonder he'd caught Kavinsky alone, probably. Where were his boys? From how hard Proko had punched him, Ronan would've figured they wouldn't stray too far.

Doing his best to conceal a sniffle, he nodded.]

Yeah, I can.

[He didn't have a curfew, he didn't need to be home before a certain time or risk turning into a pumpkin. No- that was wrong. It would've been his car that turned into a pumpkin. Either way, he was in no hurry to leave. He couldn't imagine just walking away again now, even if it would be far less devastating than before. He wanted to hold Kavinsky and touch him and just exist in the same space with him.]