[It would be fucked up to say that hearing Ronan admit to it was a sort of peace. But it was. Just the fact that they could at least both admit to what had happened, that Ronan wasn't going to look him in the face and claim that he hadn't hurt him -- it was some sort of a balm. It made him feel a little bit better about the fact that he still wanted Ronan, anyway.
You'd think nearly killing himself over the other boy would be enough to get him out of his veins, steal his heart back. But K wasn't the only thief in Henrietta.
He can't help huffing a laugh when Ronan says that he didn't think he was going to hurt him. He doesn't say it, but he can hear it in the silence, in the way that he gestures at K, like Ronan had though he was untouchable, indestructible, as strong as he pretended. But Ronan's right: he hadn't wanted the way that things had been. He'd always wanted more. But then he says I do care, though and K hesitates, looks at Ronan, unsure of what to say.
But he knows that it means something that he's here, that they're fucking-- that they're talking about it. Neither of them were good at it, but Kavinsky is trying, and Ronan seems to be, too. He meets his eyes, and his breath catches at the words. They're simple and stupid, really- what was I'm sorry after everything he'd been through? Except that it does mean something, because K knows that they aren't words that come easy to him. He knows that he wouldn't say the words if he didn't mean it.
Kavinsky loved Ronan. Still loved him. And god, but he felt like an idiot for it. The fact that even after he put a switchblade to his wrist for home emptied out he felt without him that he still just wanted Ronan's arms around him. But if nothing else, Ronan saying that he cared was at least- it was enough for Kavinsky to be able to say it, even if he's almost worried that it'll be too much]
I'm sorry too. I still shouldn't have- fuck. I just didn't.. I thought you were walking away from me forever. I loved you.
[He doesn't say I still love you, but it's in his eyes. It's in the way he has to curl his hands to keep himself from reaching out to him. He flinches, looks away from Ronan and his blue eyes, shrugging his shoulders as he rubs a hand over his face. Fuck. But as much as he hates how this feels, the uncertainty and feeling like with one wrong word Ronan will vanish from his life all over again-- he's handling it better than he would have before, at least.
Not that he wanted to admit that the cocaine might have been making things worse, even if it got him through the day.]
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You'd think nearly killing himself over the other boy would be enough to get him out of his veins, steal his heart back. But K wasn't the only thief in Henrietta.
He can't help huffing a laugh when Ronan says that he didn't think he was going to hurt him. He doesn't say it, but he can hear it in the silence, in the way that he gestures at K, like Ronan had though he was untouchable, indestructible, as strong as he pretended. But Ronan's right: he hadn't wanted the way that things had been. He'd always wanted more. But then he says I do care, though and K hesitates, looks at Ronan, unsure of what to say.
But he knows that it means something that he's here, that they're fucking-- that they're talking about it. Neither of them were good at it, but Kavinsky is trying, and Ronan seems to be, too. He meets his eyes, and his breath catches at the words. They're simple and stupid, really- what was I'm sorry after everything he'd been through? Except that it does mean something, because K knows that they aren't words that come easy to him. He knows that he wouldn't say the words if he didn't mean it.
Kavinsky loved Ronan. Still loved him. And god, but he felt like an idiot for it. The fact that even after he put a switchblade to his wrist for home emptied out he felt without him that he still just wanted Ronan's arms around him. But if nothing else, Ronan saying that he cared was at least- it was enough for Kavinsky to be able to say it, even if he's almost worried that it'll be too much]
I'm sorry too. I still shouldn't have- fuck. I just didn't.. I thought you were walking away from me forever. I loved you.
[He doesn't say I still love you, but it's in his eyes. It's in the way he has to curl his hands to keep himself from reaching out to him. He flinches, looks away from Ronan and his blue eyes, shrugging his shoulders as he rubs a hand over his face. Fuck. But as much as he hates how this feels, the uncertainty and feeling like with one wrong word Ronan will vanish from his life all over again-- he's handling it better than he would have before, at least.
Not that he wanted to admit that the cocaine might have been making things worse, even if it got him through the day.]