[Hearing the truth was almost- it wasn't a comfort but he knew that what he'd done had brought them to this point. Kavinsky said it wasn't his fault, but he'd still been the final straw. The last thing that the other boy had been able to handle before breaking.

Ronan took another deep breath, dragged a hand over his scalp. The truth was painful. It wasn't pretty. But he had to say it.]

I did. I- [-used you.] I didn't think about how you'd feel. I thought everything would go back to how it'd been before.

[But Kavinsky hadn't wanted that. Ronan saw that now. His- not callousness, really, but his...lack of understanding where Kavinsky had been coming from had almost caused terrible, irreversible things. He'd only been thinking about fixing the Pig so he could bring it back to Gansey, through any means necessary. He hadn't meant to use Kavinsky, but the other dreamer had presented an undeniable opportunity. Just because he hadn't meant to though didn't mean he could shove the blame onto someone else.]

I didn't think I was going to hurt you. You're- [He gestured vaguely with one hand. Kavinsky seemed like he'd be around forever, untouchable, always there.]

I do care, though.

[He was just shit at showing it, especially with Kavinsky. But if he didn't care, he wouldn't be standing here right now having this conversation.]

I'm- [God, did Kavinsky love him? Was that what this about? The realization made his chest feel tight. Ronan could hardly look him in the eye, but he forced himself to.] -I'm sorry.

[If he'd known, if he hadn't been so stupid, he wouldn't have left the other boy standing there in the dreaming field that day. At least, not the way he had. There was no reason Ronan had to be against him. They weren't- fuck, they weren't enemies. It wasn't like they'd pledged to hate each other. Kavinsky hadn't wronged Ronan in some way. It was the opposite, if he was being honest.]